When I started at Albert Einstein High School I thought my life would be better than before, but it was one of the worst times in my life! I thought it would be very nice in a new school, with new friends and all started again from start, but I thought wrong. My classmates weren’t very friendly as I thought. Everybody had friends already they liked to be with, and me – all alone.
How could they just ignore other people? Nobody wanted to talk with me, and nobody wanted to say a ‘Hi’ to me once. It was very unpleasant. My parents asked me again after again how it was at school, but I just said ‘Oh, fine. I love my classmates’, and left. I often cry after school. Of course, I cried loudly so my parents couldn’t hear me. They were sometimes suspicious about how I had it at school, but nothing special came out from them.
Everyday at school was wretched, especially at the lunch time. I was sitting alone all the time, while the other sat with their friends – talked and laughed together. I thought it maybe would be better if I eat my lunch at the men toilet. If they just knew my feelings, then they knew how it was to be alone. No, I forgot they hadn’t a heart. What was wrong with me? It is about how I dressed, how I looked out or how I behaved? Could they just tell me that?!
The same happened at the college. I had no friends and of course no girlfriend I could be with. I had a good education, but nobody wanted to be with me without regard to. I tried to stop the thinking of the old time and worked hard for my education. It worked a little bit, but sometimes the thought came back.
Later, I got a good job, and my colleagues were very nice and friendly to me. I felt comfortable and conformed there. The time there, was the best time in my life! I had never felt so happily before. It seems to be very nice, but no. All my colleagues had boyfriends and girlfriends they could be with after work time. While I was alone at home and watched TV or did something boring.
I moved from my family when I was twenty-five years old, because I got a job I could get money from. I often visit my family too and the Sunday was the family day. All my sisters and brothers had already got married, and had children too. The children often ask me where my girlfriend was, it was a very unpleasant question for me, and I never answered them.
I had just a family I could be with. My colleagues were with their friends. Sometimes they asked my about to be with them to shopping, to the pub etc., but I don’t want to destroy them. I was much shied too. Later, a girl started to work at the same job as me. She was the first friend I could talk a lot of things to. We co-operated good, and she worked well. We got a bit higher wages, because we worked well.
Later it seems to she had already a rich and good boyfriend. My hope just fell right down. At first, my life was the worst, then it seems to be better and now it fell down again. I couldn’t climb up again after again and fell down. It was more than tired, it hurt me too.
Actually, to live alone have been a habit for me, but I really want to find a new one that she could help and support me…