It was a silly thing indeed, the thing there before me on the table. A silly and green and slimy thing it was. And above all else it was a ludicrous thing, a thing that ought not to be a thing at all, but simply a figment of imagination, the spawn of a madman’s ponderings. And yet here it was; a very solid, unyieldingly real and profusely smelly thing.
What should one call such a thing? It was not so simple as to simply call the thing a dog or a cat or a vending machine, seeing as it did not bear any resemblance to any of these things, nor for that matter, any other thing I had ever in my long life laid eyes upon.
Perhaps I could combine all its characteristics and disgusting traits into one name? Yes that would indeed be clever and professional. Something like the Awfully Reeking, Continuously Hiccupping, Immensely Bothersome, Almost Liquid Duffamafiggler? ARCHIBALD for short? And there we have it; I, the amazingly brainy professor Diddleton have just made yet another mind-bogglingly brilliant discovery!