I remember the day I told you I had enlisted in the army. I don’t remember it because it was a very sad day or a very happy day, but I remember it because it was the first time I had ever seen you cry. It almost made me sick, but I didn’t want to show you how I felt, so instead I just walked away trying to repress everything. Because that’s how you raised me, right? Showing any kind of emotion was a sign of weakness, wasn’t it? Don’t think I’ve forgotten my childhood. When I was little you’d give me such a beating if you saw me crying. I would always hide under my bed so you wouldn’t find me, and I spent hours there, mostly thinking about mum, and the fact that we never talked about her. It was as if she had never existed. I hated it. But most of all I hated you, and I have always blamed you for what happened to her. It was all your fault, and there was nothing I could do or say that would bring her back. Sometimes I feel like I died with her, so in a way you were responsible for both our deaths. You are a murderer.
Joining the army was the best decision I have ever made, for no other reason than the fact that you aren’t here. That’s how much you disgust me. Talking to anyone seems pointless since I have no interest in making friends. All I want is to obey orders and get out of here, dead or alive, I really don’t care. And just so you know, I am writing you this letter out of pure selfishness: I want you to realize what a prick you are, and I want you to know that I will never forgive you for the things you did. You don’t deserve anything else.
I hope that this letter has made you open your eyes. These are the things I never dared say, and the things I knew you would not understand. Now you must know that I will never see you again. We will never speak and you will never hear of me. I can’t take it anymore, I can’t deal with all the pain, and I am all alone. All I want to do is see mum again. And that’s what I’m going to do.
Goodbye dad. You will not be missed.