"I'm sorry..." she mumbled. Justin didn't believe her. She had to be kidding? Or out of her mind at least! She couldn't breake up with him. How could this happen? No it wouldn't happen... He wouldn't let it happen. He had to make her realise they belong together.
"Wait" he said when she took a couple of small steps away from him.
She looked sad.
"You know you love me" Justin said and walked closer. "I know you care"
"I do care about you, but this, us, doesn't work!" She started to tear up.
"What can I do differently? Hm? You can just shout whenever, and I'll be there! You're not thinking straight, Hannah. You want my love! You want my heart!" Justin stole her hand and put it against his own beating heart. She didn't want to look at him.
"You. Want. This." he said, like there was no doubt.
"We will make this work out, and we will never, ever, ever be apart" he almost whispered.
"We'll see" she said quietly.
Then she pulled herself together and walked away from him, without another look at his begging face. Justin was left with confusion.
Hannah wasn't at home when Justin came the next morning. For three years they had walked to school together, every day. But that morning she had left before he came.
He got annoyd and started walking by himself.
Why wouldn't she talk to him? Why couldn't she just tell him how to fix whatever he had done wrong? He wasn't going to let this ruin their relationship, they were perfect for eachother!
He came to the schoolyard and saw her stand there with her friends. She didn't smile with them. She didn't laugh when they did. She only looked nervous.
Justin figured it had to be because she regretted. She must have realized that she shouldn't break up with him and now she was nervous about telling him! He smiled by himself and headed towards them.
He didn't quite get the look on her face when she saw him. But what he did get was that she tried to move away when he kissed her.
"Justin.." she mumbled, just like the night before.
"What? I am so sick of this! Are we an item or not? Girl, quit playing!"
Her eyes suddenly lit up with anger.
"We are just friends!" she said loudly to his face, and waved her friends away. They made it obvious they didn't really want to leave, but they went a couple of metres backwards.
"We're just friends? What are you saying?" So she wasn't about to tell him she was unbreakingup with him. Hannah rolled her eyes to show him how she did not like him right now. But this time it was different. She had said it in front of her friends, which made it harder to make her take it back. He didn' really like her right now either.
"Listen, Justin. I don't love you anymore. I... "
Oh no.. That hurt, ooh, headace, stomachace, heartace, all at once!
"You dont't love me? But.. But Hannah, how can you..."
She stared him in the eyes, no tears this time.
"No, i don't, Justin. I'm... I'm in love with someone else."
Oh my God. Why didn't she just set him on fire and push him of a bridge?
He didn't know what to say. All he had was the blurr in his head, and a lot of pain in the gut.
"I am sorry, Justin, I really am." She said before she turned and left.
Justin stood there for a couple of seconds to make sence out of the brainblurr. Then he gave up and walked inside the school building. He first thought he'd go to the toilettes, but there would be to many people there. He started trying every door he saw, he wanted a quiet room where he could think. Yes, he found one. It wasn't a room the classes usually used, at least not at the beginning of the day. There was only a small table and about eight chairs.
He went to sit in the corner of the room where he could completely give himself away to the misery and pain.
"Oh, Justin?" It was a teacher. Mr. Luda. Justin came back to himself and wiped away the tears on his face, tears he hadn't noticed were pouring down.
"Hi Mr. Luda... I.. um..."
"Is everything alright?"
No. Of course everything wasn't alright! Would he be sitting in an empty room weeping if things were alright? It was kind of obvious.
"yeah, yeah, I'm just... just... Thinking a bit. Needed some room, you know?" Justin tried to smile, but it was like the corners of his mouth was dragged downward by some mouthcornersgravity or something. Mr. Luda came in. Crap.
Then he sat down on the floor opposite Justin. Crap.
"Tell me about it" Mr. Luda said. Crap. Tears swelled up again.
Well, there was no other way, Justin blurted out with everything. Yep, everything.
And really, why not? Mr. Luda was a good guy, a good teacher!
"She said there's another and looked right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart for the first time." Justin finished after fifteen minuits of sharing his issues.
Mr. Luda had been totally quiet and now he frowned as he tried to figure out a really good advice. Justin thought that unless it turned out to be an excellent advice he could just as well have told his mother. He knew already what her clever words would have been:
"You're still a kid! You haven't even reached puberty yet! You have your whole life to find another one to love!"
But he didn't want another one, he wanted Hannah.
"Maybe you should just, try to talk to her. Show her how much you love her." Then the bell rang and Mr. Luda realized he had pupils waiting for him.
"I am sorry, but I have to run. How about you tell me later how it goes?"
"Sure" said Justin. It wasn't even a bad advice. He would try to talk to her again. He would do anything.
He saw her again when school was over and she said goodbye to her friends. He ran over when the others had left. He wouldn't give up.
"Hey, baby, please hear me out!"
"Stop talking to me Justin!" She cried out.
"c'mon! Give me a chance baby! I love you!"
She made her mouth as thin as a line and glared at him.
Justin tried to smile at her, soften her up.
She turned away. Nooo!
"Baby! Don't go!"
"Oh, I intend to"
"No baby, please!"
"Stop calling me that!" She barked.
"Yes" she hissed and started walking. Nooo!
Justin ran after and kept her pace. He couldn't let her go.
"You never minded being called baby before"
"You didn't say it a thousand times in one dialog before"
"But, but, you are my baby"
"Not anymore, I'm not."
"Baby... I thought you'd always be mine.."
Hannah stopped and looked at him. Was that pity in her eyes? He didn't want her to pity him! Then a tiny voice in his head said: Use it, Justin! You can use it!
Justin put on the cutest face he had. He knew how to make it, he had practised in the mirror in case he didn't get his will or something.
"For you, I would have done whatever. And... I, I just can't believe we aint together! And I wanna play it cool, but I'm losing you, so I just panick! What can I do, Hannah? I'll buy you anything! I, I'll buy you any ring!"
At this point Hannahs face had gone from soft pity to harsh annoydness.
"You think you can buy me back? You think I want to marry you?"
Her voice said it with disgust. Ok, that was not the right things to say...
He had to make it right again!
"I say those things cause I'm in pieces! Baby, fix me, please! And just shake me til you wake me from this bad dream!"
Her eyes didn't soften a bit.
"You are full of shit" she spat at him and left.
These last words made Justins legs go numb. He was unable to walk after her.
He could only watch as the prettiest girl in school worked that sidewalk like it was a catwalk.
He was going down. Down, down, down. And he just couldn't believe his first love wouldn't be around anymore. After standing there, at that spot, for some minuits he managed to get home.
He couldn't think of anything but his baby. His Hannah.
He wrote baby everywhere. He wrote it to represent her.
"Baby, baby, baby, nooo" he whispered as he wrote.
"Baby, baby, baby, nooo" he wrote as pretty as he could.
"Baby, baby, baby, nooo, I thought you'd always be mine. mine."
He thought about how it sounded a bit like a bad song. Well, well. It was over.
He was just full of shit.
Next day at school he met Mr. Luda in the hallway and said that he needed to speak with him. Mr. Luda nodded and made Justin an appointment later that day. Justin came and told him everything Hannah had said.
"i remember, when I was thirteen I had my first love. There was nobody compared to my baby, and nobody came between us, who could ever come above." Luda smiled as his eyes went glassy. He went back to his past.
"She had me going crazy, Oh I was starstruck. She even woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks!"
Justin could see on Ludas face that this had to be a special girl. Maybe as special as Hannah was. He wished he knew how Ludas first love looked like.
"She made my heart pound, I skip a beat when I see her on the street. Cause she lives not far from here. It's just like at school on the playground, I remember I really wanted to see her on the weekend. She knew she had me dazin', cause she was so amazin'. Then one day, it ended. And now my hearts breaking, a little bit more every time I see her, even now, after all this time. But I just keep on saying baby, baby, baby, but you know what? I don't think they like that very much when the relationship is over." Luda ended it and his eyes went back to the presens. Sure, that was a great story, very kind of Mr. Luda to tell Justin this, but did it help him? Nope. Was there anything in the story he could learn from? Nooo. Well, yeah, that he shouldn't call her baby and that he shouldn't stay in the same city as Hannah when he grew up. But that wasn't gonna be hard, cause he was gonna be an international popstar, travelling in Europe, writing songs full of shit.
Mr. Luda could join in, make a rapping verse. Justin wasn't sure that he'd actually make a good rapper, but why not? A suckish rapper doesn't drag down the whole song. As long as Justin did good. He knew he didn't sing very pop-ish, but they could just fix that in the studio. Maybe if he sterilised himself, before he reached puberty(which turned out to be a bit shy), he could keep his light, girly voice everybody loved listening to.
Oh, yeah, he was gonna make Hannah so sad she had left him. He just had to go home and cry a bit and then he was gonna go see her. For the last time. Tell her he gave up.