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10 funny jokes


Here is 10 funny jokes.
Sjanger:AnnetLastet opp:03.04.2002
Språkform:EngelskForfatter:Anonym
Tema:Humor
Verktøy:Utskrift   Del på Facebook

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."

The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.

The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

 

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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

 

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Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

 

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A cat's dictionary

 

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
Purrson: A male kitty.
Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

 

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Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."

 

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A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

"Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My ASS!"

 

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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

 

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Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

 

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One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

----------

 

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.

His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.

So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"

"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."

"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"

"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"


Kommentarer fra brukere


En gang i blant skrives det kommentarer som mangler seriøsitet eller som ikke har noe med oppgavens tema å gjøre. Hjelp oss å rydde! Klikk 'varsle' nederst til høyre på de meldinger du mener må bort. Så fjerner redaksjonen kommentarene etter hvert.

André
11.09.2007 11:58

Bra!
21
anbefalinger
haha, liker den med flaggermusene  Very Happy :-D

hoho
05.01.2006 16:27

Bra!
10
anbefalinger
Haha.. har aldri ledd så mye i mitt liv jeg..

(dersom du ikke skulle forstå det; ganske sarkastisk ment..)

Tardy
08.01.2007 17:20

Bra!
10
anbefalinger
HAHA , arti  Confused :-\? Noob

maryam afg
17.03.2007 18:28

Bra!
9
anbefalinger
ganske bra vitser.....leste bare noen av den ...viste at d var noen feil or d inni mellom fordi når jeg leste overskriften der stod d there is så skjønte jeg d hehe..de var morsomme..

:@
09.11.2006 19:21

Bra!
8
anbefalinger
ffs folk. er det mulig å være mer pirkete??? dette er noen forbanna morsomme vitser ( Very Happy :-D) ikke en stil!

Helen
26.10.2007 17:50

Bra!
7
anbefalinger
loye  Very Happy :-D fattakkje dikte da men  Confused :-\? koste meg  Wink ;-\)

cool..
19.03.2005 22:31

Bra!
6
anbefalinger
litt råe dah.. hvor har du funni dem? jævli bra..

moroklumpen
17.09.2005 23:42

Bra!
6
anbefalinger
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! DRITMORO!!


25.04.2013 10:05

Bra!
6
anbefalinger
skjer'a bæsj tiss promp

maryam
09.12.2006 16:51

Bra!
5
anbefalinger
hahaahhahaaahaha dritt bra....
ahahah

Neecon
26.11.2007 16:36

Bra!
5
anbefalinger
omg l2p ¬¬

hehe...
05.05.2009 19:53

Bra!
5
anbefalinger
wow, det var moro...


06.06.2010 20:15

Bra!
5
anbefalinger
can any one speak english cuse i dont understand a word anyone just siad what lanquage is that and why werent the jokes in that language im confused i wanna know what everyones talking about i feel so damn lost can't you pleas write in english from now on it would be greatly appreciated thanks  Smile :-\))


25.04.2013 10:01

Bra!
5
anbefalinger
disse vitsene suger

hehehe
05.05.2004 16:05

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
heheheheheheheheeeee. den var BRA du

Hans Egil Carlsen
08.01.2007 17:23

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
Jatta Jatta ,  Very Happy :-D dette var jo nåkon artege vitsar....... kven er du egentleg...dei var litt Grova......Litt barnsleg tuckar eg ......jaja.....noen har d.....hmmm...gruble.....gruble....hehe lol

Emsa
11.02.2009 17:45

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
jg vat at jg svarer deg lixsom to år seinere ??????, men jg tror at den ene flaggermusa ikke så den svarte bygninga, så han lixsom krasja i det eller noe, og begynte og blø Smile :-\)

$$Dollazz$$
14.05.2009 17:13

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
Dette eide!  Very Happy :-D
Har du skrevet alt selv?  Surprised :-o

I så fall: Fortsett sånn, dette vil jeg høre mer av!  Very Happy :-D

lkjhgfds
28.08.2012 09:17

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
bersj tiss promp


25.04.2013 10:02

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
disse vitsene er veldig dårlige, hva er vitsen med disse vitsene????!!!!!


25.04.2013 10:07

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
fucing jokes disse vitsene er så dårlig så de ikke kunne vises forran noen øine fordi da år de som leste dem kreft og jeg fikk vist kreft Razz :-P


25.04.2013 10:12

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
hvis en mann rir på en hest på en fredag og er i byen i 3 dager og rir på fredag, ossen er det mulig??????

Kukkfittepikkhomokukk
25.04.2013 10:21

Bra!
4
anbefalinger
Jeg fikk kreft når jeg leste disse ''vitsene... lær humor dere retards

??????
08.01.2007 17:30

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
jeg forso ikke den vitsen med de flaggermusene ???????? Noen som gjorde d ?? plz svar LOL


11.02.2009 20:10

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
alle liker flaggermusene fordi, de forstå ikke de andre

DONYA
25.05.2010 23:24

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
hahahah, drit bra vitser!!!!!...........NOT

$atan
08.05.2012 20:42

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
disse er de verste vitsene jeg noen gang har lest i hele mitt liv.


25.04.2013 10:10

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
her er en gåte vis en coboy rir på en hest på fredag,
de er der i tre dager og kommer på fredag ossen er det mulig  Wink ;-\)


25.04.2013 10:20

Bra!
3
anbefalinger
DETTE SUGER DERE SUGER FUCK DERE HOMO FITTER, DERE SUGER!!

erikman
15.11.2009 12:15

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
det er en feil her, det skal stå: And zen vorld, ikke: And zen world.

skjänner ikke?
24.02.2010 21:59

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
hva var vitsen med dette her lissom?

lolz!
14.03.2010 14:22

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
jeg lagde den kommentaren der oppe  Smile :-\) (: ):  Sad :-\(


25.04.2013 10:10

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
disse vitsene var litt bra, men dårlig


25.04.2013 10:16

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
disse vitsene var dårlige, jeg kjønner ikke at folk bruker fritida på sånt, det er bare bortkasta!!!!!!!


25.04.2013 10:19

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
denne sia suger, besøk heller artige.com for å le litt, ikke bruk livet ditt på disse vitsene, de suger

Naruto Uzumaki
01.12.2013 12:58

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
Bra, det var noen feil her og der, men det meste var bra. Det var noen av vitsene som var dårlige. BELIVE IT!!!!!!!!

Kari
14.01.2014 13:30

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
jævli bra!

21erwffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrqaf
18.03.2014 20:05

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
haha, dritbrae vitser, aldri flirt så godt på lenge.................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .......................................................- .....................................not.

erik huseklepp
28.11.2016 11:40

Bra!
2
anbefalinger
jeg er transseksuell forresten

dårlig
12.01.2010 20:13

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
sykt dårlig vitser

sagat203(oslo)
08.03.2010 09:16

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
likte paragliding vitsen hehe

Prooohhh, hesten kom og ta meg!
12.04.2011 17:54

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
gadd ikke å lese, men mye morsomme kommentarer  Smile :-\) må jeg si!  Very Happy :-D

oa
10.05.2011 18:05

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
Here is 10 funny jokes??? - Here is??? Øv på presensbøying først...

lollipop
12.02.2012 21:41

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
ha ha  Very Happy :-D

S4T4N
21.03.2012 09:31

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
hehe jævli bra vitser!

soft gun
25.04.2013 10:11

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
det er drit får fæn

soft gun
25.04.2013 10:20

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
Markus spiller gun blood


09.12.2014 19:14

Bra!
1
anbefalinger
Jaaaa.....NEI!!!!

Tilfeldig Navn
25.02.2015 20:56

Bra!
0
anbefalinger
Jeg likte best den tysk vitsen, utenom det var de fleste på 3 av 10 max

Tilfeldig Navn
25.02.2015 20:56

Bra!
0
anbefalinger
Den med rullestolen var litt bra da

fitta til fardi
27.05.2015 21:49

Bra!
0
anbefalinger
Tyskern var best. definitivt


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