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Monday morning where anything can happen
Om en som får sykdommen diabetes.
When I woke up that morning I didn’t know that this day was going to change my life forever. I never realized that one day could ruin my life forever. Change my world upside down. That one day can have the same effect as if you took all the pieces in the puzzle and threw them all over the world. Every Monday morning I feel like a wreck. I wake up and I`m so tired I could cry, and my body is aching. This Monday morning was no different, but I really wish it was.
The sound from my alarm clock was the first thing I heard. From the moment I woke up I had this feeling that something hang on to me, and I couldn’t tell what. It felt like a big, black, rain full cloud hanging over me, pushing me against the bed, tearing me down. I turned around to look at the time, but my eyes were blurry, and they were running. I was so tired, so empty. My eyes went black for a while, and my room was filled with light spots, just like little, yellow fireflies. They were flying around in the room, and I couldn’t really tell how many they where. I got dissy, the room was spinning around like a merry-go-round, and I got sick. I suddenly realized that I was to weak to lift my arm to turn off the alarm clock. The terrible sound cut through the air and made its way into my head. And it stayed there. I couldn’t get it out, and it drove me crazy. I wished I could reach into my head and take out the sound with my bear hands. My body was aching. It felt like a horse had stepped on every inch of my body. I had to roll myself out of the bed. I tried to stand up, but my feets kept disappearing under me. I had to hold on to my desk to keep myself up. As I reached out to open the door, I heard steps in the hall, and knew that I would get help now. Since I was so relived, I relaxed and let go of the desk. I fell down on the floor just as mom walked into the room. I looked up at her, and the last thing I remember is mom’s terrified face and her scream when she saw me lying on the floor, unconscious.
Diabetes, the one word. My life is over. I wish I never woke up that morning. That I`d sleep through that day and wake up on Tuesday. I wish I never Passed out, that they didn’t take the test. But I can’t turn back time. I`m trapped in time, and I wish time would stop existing. I wish someone could come along and find all the pieces to my puzzle. That someone could make my world whole again. I wish I believed in God. Then I would prey. Prey for an angel to come save me.
Diabetes. The words is flying around in my head. I only remember small words from what the doctor told me about my disease, Insulin, needles, diets, metabolism, acidose and coma. I can hear his voice in my head, repeating the words over and over again. Every day I have to set a needle of insulin in myself. The first five times I threw up. I couldn’t force myself to set the needle in my own stomach. And not just that. I have to check my blood regularly, follow my diets, don’t eat candy as I used to, watch what ingredients all the food I eat have. I check everything I do and eat, and everything must be planned in advance. And in all this I have two parents and a doctor who is watching every move I make, and everything I eat. I feel like I`m punished, trapped in my own house. Watched over like criminals are watched over in prison. I feel overprotected and like a three year-old Alone.
I don’t think I ever going to learn how to live with my disease. To accept that my life will never be as it used to be. As long as I live I must stick myself with this needle. I`m scared, afraid, terrified, alone and confused. But I really don’t think there is any words that can explain how I really feel, and I`m not sure I understand it myself. I just know that I wish that Monday morning never happened, that I`m still lying in my bed, sleeping and dreaming of a better life. A life without diabetes and a life without Monday mornings.
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